Monday, October 20, 2014

Random post: Scorpion vs. Stooge

This probably qualifies as fan-fiction - I don't really know because I don't really do that sort of thing.

Anyway, is anyone watching "Scorpion"?  Network television drama.  The Scorpion team is comprised of geniuses and they assist the C.I.A in solving crimes.  It's a rag-tag fugitive group - like a hyper-Mensa bus crashes into the Scooby Doo Mystery Machine.

After watching a few episodes of this, the formula seems pretty straightforward:  Genius crime-fighters deserve genius crime-committers.  In the end, the good guys manage to outthink their opponent with logic and grace.

So I thought it was time to upset this balance.

I've watched my own genius at home - he's now thirteen.  He is able to figure out complex algebraic equations, navigate his way through a cookbook recipe, construct virtual worlds out of digital bricks, and make sense of his universe each day.

With one exception.

His little sister is the antithesis of logic and order.  If he is Science officer Spock, she undoubtedly is the loud, brash Klingon.  His attempts to apply sensible boundaries continue to go unheard like a Tazmanian Devil through cotton candy.

It is this exact scenario that I would like the Scorpion team to encounter - and ultimately fail at.

In the show, there is Happy Quinn.  She is an Asian-american engineering savant.  Show her a mechanical device and she can understand it and make it obey.  She draws strength from the engineers' design.  She is confident because she can rely on her tools.

How then, would she fare when faced with the plumbing job that Curly had wrought?

Toby Curtis is a genius at reading people.  His ability to deduce someone's behavior based on subtle clues and tells has him at a distinct advantage against an unknown adversary.

But we already know everything we need to know about Stooges.  They fight amongst themselves.  Trying to deduce why they fight is futile - they just do.

Sylvester Dodd is an obsessive-compulsive mathematical anomaly.  His eiditic memory allows him to create order from numbers and probabilities.  His weaknesses are a paralyzing fear of germs, chaotic randomness, and driving.  You put this guy in a cream-pie fight and it's game over.

The founder of the group is Walter O'Brien.  He doesn't exhibit any obvious personality deficiencies except for perhaps an overbearing need to succeed with a side-order of hubris.  He is THE wise-guy.  We all know how Stooges react to wise-guys.

Paige Dineen is the handler.  She represents the link between the geniuses and the rest of the world.  She is also, understandably, attractive.  She may be the only weakness that the Stooges have.  They aren't too concerned with people smarter than they are, because, frankly, EVERYONE is smarter than they are.  Yet they always seem to find a way to one-up everybody else.  They're the idiot-underdogs that payoff on a million-to-one odds.

Anyway, whenever the writers of this show start running out of ideas, I'd really like them to consider this one.  And make the Stooges female:  Maureen, Laurie, and Curly.

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