Bending the rule

Parenting drives you crazy.

I'm just gonna let that sit there for a moment.  Put that on the back-burner of your consciousness for just a few minutes.

In 2001, there was a fifteen year-old boy in Australia.  He was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  He, his parents, family, friends, and caregivers all realized his mortality and that his time was short.

He was also a virgin.

The laws of Australia state that the age of consent is sixteen.  This teenager's last wish was to have sex.  To experience the love of a woman before leaving this Earth.

Before I continue, I'll posit the question "What would you do in this situation?  If this teenager were your son/nephew/cousin/brother/patient/friend?"  Clearly, he is asking you to violate a longstanding law of the nation.

But we've all been teenagers.  We've seen and felt the raging hormones (yes, whenever you talk about them, they're ALWAYS RAGING).  Most of us have experienced great sex.  Some of us have had bad sex.  If you asked fifteen year-old me what "bad sex" was, I probably couldn't have told you - I thought it would've all been great.

Cancer is such an ugly disease.  You hurt, you ache, you are constantly tired.  You look bad.  You smell bad.  You bleed and vomit.  You are angry and sad and afraid and confused and frustrated.  You are told to fight each hour of each day without clear reward.  Every needle, every poison, every radiation beam TAKES and you're never really sure what it gives back.

This teenager's psychologist and the teenager's friends did arrange for him to visit a prostitute.  I would have done the same.  Call me crazy.

The Child Psychologist classified the trip as therapeutic.  There are "comfort dog" services for trauma patients which have a significant effect on rehabilitation and healing.  The Dutch have a policy of using sex-workers to help newly-disabled individuals cope with their injuries.  Prostitution itself is legal in Australia and many would say it is safer than in cities where it is not legal.

Another interesting detail of this story is that the boy did not want his parents to know.  I can actually understand this from the boy's perspective.  Sex is a private thing.  We put up these mental-shields separating thoughts of loved-ones from thoughts of love-making.  As a parent, I'd still want to know EVERY aspect of my child's treatment and hopefully convey that nothing would be considered shameful or embarrassing and that we all want him to have the best of life however long or short it is.  But maybe those parents weren't like me.  Maybe they had a more-conservative mindset and would've been against this whole operation.  It puts the child psychologist in an interesting position, though - weighing the benefits of therapy against the parent's need-to-know.

The teenager eventually succumbed to his illness - but he did not die a virgin.  May he rest in peace.

Learning

It's what we're supposed to do.  Each day we have on this Earth, we're supposed to learn.

I'm starting this post because of a reddit AMA.  It involves a student who was enrolled in an alternative educational curriculum, called ACE - or Accelerated Christian Education.  I knew nothing about any of this before today.

Judging by the responses in the reddit, a lot of the enrolees think very negatively toward the program.  The source material, lack of socializing, independence or lack of guidance, no accreditation, and even corporal punishments are just some of the reasons why those who have gone through the program despise it.  The redditor confirms her ACE school is now closed - alluding to lack of funds.

I would tend to agree, just on the source material alone.  From wikipedia:

"If parents want their children to obtain a very limited and sometimes inaccurate view of the world — one that ignores thinking above the level of rote recall — then the ACE materials do the job very well."

OK, call me narrow-minded, but this single statement was all I needed to know.  As parents, don't we yearn for our children's curiosity?  Don't we treasure that potential to teach?  My wife and I both graduated with scientific degrees.  We owe our livelihood to critical thinking and problem solving.  Faith has its place, but so does reasoning.  Once you start espousing inaccuracies of the world - that's truly damaging to the child.

What parent does this?

I can take comfort that there is one less ACE school in operation, but to know that there are still active facilities practicing this - well, it gives me something more to consider when my kids start interacting with these kids.  Sure, this happened in Georgia, but the internet makes the whole planet small.

I've learned something today.

Cold French Fries

I was eating leftovers with my aunt for lunch one day.  She saw me eating cold french fries.  She really, REALLY didn't want me eating cold french fries, so she took them and heated them up.

We had the usual discussion of "how can you DO that to yourself" and "it's OK, I eat everything", but this reminded me of a similar situation with my mom.  Years earlier, we had soup and dumplings from our favorite take-out Chinese restaurant.  The next day, I was still in the mood for those same dumplings.  My mom asked me if she should heat them up and, being the ravenous creature that I am, replied "no - I'll have them cold".

To which she called me a "heathen" and threw my dumplings in the microwave for two agonizing minutes.

I understand the parental instinct to want to provide the best for your kids and relatives.  While the majority may think that cold french fries suck regardless, I'm of the opinion that trying to reheat day-old french fries is an act of futility.  I think the french fried potato is food's version of a zombie - you may be able to resurrect it, but it's just a lumbering, brainless shadow of its former self.

But thank you, Aunt Sue, for heating up the fries and mom for heating up the dumplings.  They were still delicious.

Man, I'm hungry - I wonder what's in the fridge?