Those Kids Are My Kids

Just spouting off like crazy today.

Yesterday, I read a horrific article (even by my standards) about a(nother) Indian girl being raped.  Instead of the details, I'm going to post this picture of two incredibly adorable Indian children.

My partner-in-crime is spending her minutes raising awareness about rape culture.  I'll echo her sentiments in advising you to talk to your children or any young-people you have contact with - talk to them about rape and how it's wrong and what to do if you suspect rape and to show sympathy to rape-survivors.

I know, very serious, very dark, deep stuff.

Thank you for reading.

Killing Takashi

Those of you who are still following this, "hi" again.

I'm taking this blog under my RL identity (there are a lot of settings to change).  I'll probably cull-out some of the less-interesting Second Life posts - since I just don't visit there anymore.

So, less SL, more RL.

"Why not just make an entirely new blog?"  Because lazy.  Plus, there are posts in this blog that I just don't ever want to lose.

So, names will change to expunge the guilty.

Welcome to my life.

Cold French Fries

I was eating leftovers with my aunt for lunch one day.  She saw me eating cold french fries.  She really, REALLY didn't want me eating cold french fries, so she took them and heated them up.

We had the usual discussion of "how can you DO that to yourself" and "it's OK, I eat everything", but this reminded me of a similar situation with my mom.  Years earlier, we had soup and dumplings from our favorite take-out Chinese restaurant.  The next day, I was still in the mood for those same dumplings.  My mom asked me if she should heat them up and, being the ravenous creature that I am, replied "no - I'll have them cold".

To which she called me a "heathen" and threw my dumplings in the microwave for two agonizing minutes.

I understand the parental instinct to want to provide the best for your kids and relatives.  While the majority may think that cold french fries suck regardless, I'm of the opinion that trying to reheat day-old french fries is an act of futility.  I think the french fried potato is food's version of a zombie - you may be able to resurrect it, but it's just a lumbering, brainless shadow of its former self.

But thank you, Aunt Sue, for heating up the fries and mom for heating up the dumplings.  They were still delicious.

Man, I'm hungry - I wonder what's in the fridge?

Mayyy-ya!

Everyone is concerned about the Maya ending the world.

I always knew she'd be my doomsday.

Let's be careful out there.

Halloween 2012: Costume #2

     2012 would prove to be a very prominent year for fried chicken.  In June, Chik-Fil-A came under fire for espousing Anti Gay Marriage support.  In September, numerous US-based businesses (including a Kentucky Fried Chicken) were vandalized in the Middle East over a controversial video.  If anything, this should illustrate how pivotal fried chicken is to American culture.

     It’s no secret that I adore fried chicken.  I am not alone.  I found out about a Japanese KFC and how they decorate their mascot.  I was determined to make this my Halloween costume this year.

1:  Purchase a sectional sofa from Ikea

     Okay, that may be a bit extreme, but we really needed a new couch and by getting it from Ikea, we got a very comfortable sofa at the right price with the bonus of all this great double-walled corrugated cardboard.  This ensures that all my costume components would be of consistent texture, weight, grain, and detail.

2:  Cut out all the needed components

     I used two instructables (here and here) for what size and how many of each component I needed, and what the hole-template would be for punching the 2,090 holes.

3:  Customize

     I had repurposed a plastic katana from one of Cameron’s previous costumes.  We also had a Darth Vader helmet that was no longer functional, so I used the headpiece from that.  I had to Dremel off some of the front, then added a plastic dog-cone collar for a brim.  It looks less-Vader-y this way.

     Traditional samurai helmets have ornamental crests, or maedate.  The higher the rank of the samurai, the more-ornate the maedate.  Well, we’re talking about a Colonel, for Pete’s sake, I had to have something pretty fantastic.

The typical Google-Image-Searches didn’t reveal anything appropriate, so I had to brainstorm this one:

  

I settled on a spork

Spork of the mighty

     The spork is iconic of the KFC empire, I thought.  Against a vast mountain of instant potatoes and gravy, the spork is your greatest ally.  I needed to make one.  Rather than mess with heat guns and smoking plastic, I decided to raid the kids’ sandbox.  I found a discarded toy shovel that I thought would pass.  After some rough carving, sanding, and painting, I had my crest.

     It wasn’t enough, though.  I wanted more.  A lot of helmets have horns, which initially seemed pretty cool.  But then I thought “chickens don’t have horns”.  So what do chickens have?

Behold, my wishbone of power

     Fabrication included making a template from a manila folder (folded for symmetry), transfer to cardboard, then cut and paint.

     The spork and wishbone fit together like a fast-food Voltron.

Further decoration

     I needed logos for my armor.  I actually found a site that would generate the katakana characters for “Kentucky Fried Chicken”.  I verified this against the KFC-Japan website and it was a perfect match.

     There were plenty of English KFC logos to choose from.  I did want to combine the Rising Sun design with Colonel Sanders, just to really hammer the point home.  So after a few minutes in Photoshop, “Rising Sanders” was born:

     Soldiers had various designs painted onto their chestpieces, so I thought this would be best applied as a stencil directly onto the armor.

     I tried to balance authenticity with kitsch here – whenever I thought I was sweating the details too much, I reminded myself that this was all just cardboard.  If I thought I was being too cavalier, I just had to look at my picture of Colonel Sanders and how I wanted to do him justice.  And whenever I got tired of punching those holes…I remembered the smoking remains of that glorious restaurant.

Happy Halloween.  In case you missed it, check out the other costume I had to make this year. 

               Share and enjoy.

Halloween 2012: Costume #1

      It was that time of year again.  At the start of October, the majority of our family becomes preoccupied with a dire question:  “What do you want to be for Halloween this year?”

For my daughter, the answer was obvious.

“I want to be Chef Lady Gaga”

Challenge Accepted

     Those of you who are not-yet-familiar with Lady Gaga’s videography, I’ll quickly state that in her music video for the single “Telephone”, Lady Gaga is portrayed as a cook working in a diner.  Megan loves cooking and adores Lady Gaga, so the proposal was somewhat expected.

How to pull it off provided several individual challenges:

The major components of this costume:

• Phone “hat”
• Hair
• Dress
• Apron
• Makeup
• Shoes

     The hat looked like an origami sculpture piece, so I figured there must be some instructions on how to make it.  Sure enough, YouTube had some very helpful links on constructing the hat.  I made a few prototypes to ensure scale and sizing.  Some personal touches of my own:

     The video recommends using aluminum can lids for the rotary dials.  The problems I saw with these were that they would be sharp and also non-reflective.  Instead, I repurposed the platters from a discarded hard-drive.  These were the right shape, the right weight, coated with a mirror-finish, and in great surplus in my basement.

Whatever used to be on this drive is GONE now

     For paper, I laminated some manila folders with solid light-blue wrapping paper.  The wrapping paper was the correct shade of blue, plentiful, and inexpensive.  I used spray adhesive to glue the manila folder onto the wrapping paper, then cut the squares to size.

     I used a gloss-acrylic finish to make the blue paper shiny.  I had mixed results with this method.  In order to get the shine I wanted, I found I had to use a LOT of spray – this also runs the risk of killing the paper.  A better (albeit more-expensive) solution would be to use light-blue gift bags that are already glossy instead of semi-gloss wrapping paper.

     Instead of using foam punchouts for the phone buttons, I used a painted wooden dowel, and cut the buttons to length.  This way, they would stand out more from the dial.  I just couldn't find any free plastic cylindrical buttons of the right shape for this.
      I went with a silver spray-painted phone cable instead of matching-blue.  The silver really stands out and I didn’t have to go through the headache of color-matching the blue paper.

     Interesting note:  The video advises using aluminum foil for some of the silver details of the hat.  I couldn't resist thinking I was making a tin-foil hat for my daughter.

     I couldn’t coax my daughter’s hair to grow 8 inches and blonde before Halloween, so we had to resort to a blonde wig.  Not just any blonde wig, though…because once she saw the Lady Gaga approved hair at the costume store, well, it was all over at that point.  During the dress-rehearsal, she found the wig was itchy, so I had her wear her spandex swim-cap underneath and secured the wig with some large bobby pins.  This made it more-comfortable for her.  I also added a strip of velcro for more security.

     Gaga’s dress in the video is a semi-transparent white with clean lines and nipple-tape.  I didn’t have any translucent plastic and nipple-tape was definitely out.  However, I did have this:

Use symmetry to your advantage

     There’s something “Gone With The Wind”-ish about making a dress from a window treatment.  It seemed perfect.  All I needed was to make it.  First off, the shade I used was broken due to an overzealous daughter not-knowing-her-own-strength.  Let me also say that this would be the first time anyone in my house used the sewing machine.
     Thankfully we had all the parts and it still worked – I did need to purchase white thread and a new needle.  After a few test-stitches, I was set:  I cut out a pattern on cardboard using one of her existing dresses as a guide, transferred the pattern onto the window vinyl, cut out the front and back, then sewed them together.

     The only improvement for next time would be to incorporate a back-zipper to make getting in and out of the dress easier.

I'm sure this is how Vera Wang started out

     Megan is still a size 6T, so a discarded white T-shirt provided enough material to fashion a makeshift apron.  I had her work at a greasy-spoon to get authentic kitchen-stains on it.

OK just kidding.

     My daughter did insist on one modification to the apron – she wanted a pocket to hold her iPod.  That way, she could queue-up “Telephone” and dance to it while in costume.  I was able to sew one on large enough for an iPod Touch 4, angling it for easy access.

     I toyed with the idea of making the apron like a marsupial pouch for Halloween candy, but she already had a treat-bag.

     We’re not yet ready for Megan to wear everyday makeup yet, so we had to use costume facepaint.  Blue for the eyeshadow, black for eyeliner, and pink for lipstick is all that she will tolerate.  She REALLY dislikes makeup in her eyes, so I couldn’t get too close.  Combined with everything else, it is very convincing.

     Megan did not have white lace-up boots.  I couldn’t find any in her size.  I considered using some of the window-vinyl to make a pair of boots, but had no experience in shoe-making.  That, combined with the fact that she would actually be walking, running, and dancing in these made my choices very limited.  Megan did have a killer pair of gold sandals which fit her interpretation of Gaga.

That’s it.  This Little Monster is alive.

"Thank you, daddy"

Gaga + Tarantino

Trick or Treat!

 If you liked this one, check out what I made for myself.Happy Halloween everyone.

BOYCOTT THIS

I'm doing this for my own entertainment.  I've been pondering over the whole "corporations being for-or-against" gay rights, and how many anti-gay individuals stated that they would boycott or protest corporations that supported gay rights.

At first, it started quietly - first Chevrolet designed an advertisement for their hybrid electric car, the Volt.  Next, Nabisco came under their ire with a pride week ad for their Oreo cookie.  I wondered how strong these convictions would be which led me here.

Let's imagine a conservative-thinking family.  We have a working father, let's call him Bob.  Bob is faithfully married to Michelle.  They have a beautiful teenage daughter named Sarah.

Bob is an investment banker at Washington Mutual.  He checks his stock portfolio via TD Ameritrade (Microsoft Windows makes this so easy now).  Profits are up and Bob can finally take his family on a nice vacation.  He calls Michelle with his Verizon cellphone to make sure their Citibank mortgage is paid for the month - she instantly verifies this on her Dell laptop because her Bank of America online account is updated in real-time.  Bob starts arranging the travel plans through Orbitz - he scans for a great deal:  Round-trip airfare on Delta with an Avis car rental and a posh suite at the Mariott.  There's even a nearby Harrah's Casino.

"Hold on", Michelle says.  "We can't rent a Chevrolet because they support gay pride.  Let's rent a Ford instead."

Click-click.

Sarah is packing all of her things:  her favorite Nike sneakers, the Apple iPod she purchased at Best Buy, her Chase Visa card, a few Hershey's kisses to munch on during the flight, and a tiny bottle of Absolut Vodka (shhhh...don't tell Bob and Michelle).

They fill up their Lexus at the local Shell station and make it to the airport with plenty of time to spare.  Bob takes the opportunity to grab a Bud Light at the airport bar while Michelle gets a Starbucks Latte and a Tylenol (she really can't handle the in-cabin pressure changes according to her Kaiser Permanente Physician).  Sarah skipped lunch and was feeling peckish, so she grabbed a soft taco from Chipotle (sorry, no chicken sandwiches available in the terminal), washing it down with a small diet Pepsi.

Their Boeing 747 is fully fueled (thank you, Chevron) and ready to go.  In-flight movie service is provided by Showtime.  Bob really wants to relax so he orders just one more beer on the flight - this time, it's a Coors.

The plane lands and their Ford Mustang Convertible is ready and waiting - Michelle always wanted to drive topless!  The hotel is top-notch and they have a wonderful time.  While they're away, the UPS man leaves their Amazon Kindle Fire securely on their doorstop so they'll have it the moment they return.

I hope by now you will have guessed that EVERY corporation (and many others) mentioned in this story is a supporter of gay rights.