Forty-eight hours ago, I was informed of my nomination to be the next Mayor of Hard Alley. Running under the Teabagger Party ticket, I have thrust myself completely (ow) into this campaign. My friends have called upon me, and I fully intend to answer that call without delay, extra fees, or roaming charges.
But I cannot do this alone. There are just too many hairy palms to grease and too many poles that need holes. I am, therefore, calling you back, collect. Together, we can.
The election day is on Saturday, February the 20th. I can only surmise that voting equipment will be available for everyone to (ab)use on that date at that time. Between now and then, we must fight our way to victory. I have already initiated the first salvo in a long, hard, sweaty, throbbing political war. My friends, we battle an unknown enemy but I implore you to remain focused in our goal: The goal of putting me into that seat of power.
Show the grid that The Teabagger party will not lie limp in defeat. We are robust and full-bodied. We dive headfirst into the rolling waters. We dip ourselves into the gaping maw of the unknown.
If you would like Teabagger Party campaign promotional materials to display, please contact me. I have posters, buttons, and teabag pasties - all with full-modification rights at your disposal. Samples have been inserted below.
My name is Takashi Alekseev, and I approve this message.