Wednesday, December 30, 2009

For the Love of a Friend

It started with a plurk...
The included hyperlink sends you to a silkscreen print of Damien Hirst's "For the Love of God" - mounted, framed, signed, and numbered. I was very aware of Gatt's deep admiration of Hirst's work, so I knew she wasn't messin' around this Christmas.

As much as I adore Gattina, nine-hundred pounds was not within my budget. I needed to find another way. Google led me to the Skull-A-Day project, specifically, project #343 - Pop-Up Skull.

Of course, the paper portion of the skull was only half of the total project, I needed to encrust this with jewels of some sort.

Did you know that during the holiday season, craft stores will offer all kinds of crazy sales? Neither did I. In a matter of minutes, I became intimately familiar with the "papercraft" section of my local A.C. Moore and inside that section, I found rhinestones.

To complicate matters further, the rhinestones were available in several diameters, ranging from extremely-tiny 2.5 millimeter to bling-nasty 5 millimeter. I settled on 3.5 - 4mm: small enough to provide a lot of glitz, but large enough to work with without going insane.

And then there is Swarovski.

"Swarovski Birthday Card". The very idea just seemed SO outlandish - fitting with the overall theme of reproducing Hirst's work. I bought 3 packs of Swarovski crystals to mix in - they really do shine better than the standard rhinestone.

All that was left was the decorative headpiece for the skull.

Did you know that pear-shaped, clear, flat-bottomed crystals are nigh-impossible (yes, nigh) to find? Neither did I.

Long story short, I defaulted to Martha Stewart of all people. She apparently has an entire line of self-adhesive papercrafting embellishments for your stalkerazzi needs. Damn her and her legion of offshore sweatshop workers. She may be a bitch that served hard-time, but for me, she provided exactly what I needed.

The centerpiece crystal had to be sourced from a bead shop: One of those mall-kiosks that
specialize in pendants and make-your-own jewelry. Clear, pear-shaped, just-the-right-size. Excellent. Time for assembly.

Anyone wanting to try this for themselves can download the PDF pattern.

Let me just say that there's nothing like the feel of a fresh X-Acto blade slicing through cardstock.

Once the pieces were cut and scored appropriately, it was time to start gluing. Each piece was individually glued and secured. My only regret is that I did not keep track of exactly how many stones I used for the card, but I estimate around 1,000.

During the assembly process, I gained an entirely new level of appreciation for Hirst, and what he might have experienced in creating his own work of art. At around stone 60, I started having my doubts about the piece. At stone 125, however, my wife called me insane - and that provided all the validation I needed.

The background paper is also from the craftstore's cardstock selection. It seemed stronger and more elegant than regular black construction paper.

While white craft glue was used for the rhinestones, I needed a different kind of adhesive for the large centerpiece jewel. Regular craft glue was too opaque and hot-melt glue was off-color. Fortunately, my 3 year old daughter was caught playing with Mighty Mendit (she's all better now, the glue washed off in the bubble bath). That stuff is highly-adhesive and totally clear - worked like a charm.

After testing the folding characteristics of the pieces, making sure none of the stones were loose, it was mounting time. I used blue painter's masking tape at first - it was low-tack and allowed me to reposition the pieces until I was satisfied with the effect. Once the final positions were set, I glued the tabs down and reinforced them with black electrical tape.

The end result:
After writing my birthday wishes for Gattina inside, I boxed it up and mailed it off - hoping it would arrive intact. When you do something like this, you start having nightmares of crumpled paper and an envelope full of loose rhinestones spilling out onto a hardwood floor.

I named the piece "For the Love of a Friend" in homage to Hirst, but also to convey how valuable I consider my own friendships.

Happy Birthday, Gattina.

Maybe I will do a "Hot For Zombies" Pop-Up book next...

Thursday, November 19, 2009


Because I like to share with you guys: The birthday cake we made for my wife

A nicely-chopped ounce of semi-sweet, one of seven total.

My helpers

A shot of the inside: three layers, glued together with butter-toffee-mocha ganache

Plated, with fresh strawberries and mandarin oranges, whipped cream, and more chocolate drizzle.

Butter Toffee Mocha Ganache:

1 cup heavy cream
7 oz. semi-sweet chocolate, chopped fine
1 Tbsp flavored coffee grounds - I used a Butter Toffee K-cup from Gloria Jean's

1. Heat cream in saucepan over medium heat until bubbles form at the edge - cream will boil over violently if left unattended.
2. Add the flavored coffee grounds to the cream. Remove from heat and steep for 30 minutes - add more or less depending on strength of coffee you want in your ganache. Skim off and strain excess grounds.
3. Reheat flavored cream then pour over chocolate and whisk until smooth. Consistency should approach that of wall paint. Give whisk and spatula to helpers for cleaning.
4. Pour over cake and refrigerate for a smooth, glossy finish

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


Two more combined photos:

Ever since learning about colorizing photos in Photoshop, I've become much more dangerous:

I'll be updating my Flickr page with more.

Comments always welcome.

Saturday, October 31, 2009


Have a happy and safe Hallow's Eve.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

The Haunted Stripclub

disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Any resemblance to persons real, imaginary, or other is purely coincidental.

It was a run-down, dilapidated sim. They say Old man Rust just let it all go to pieces once "the madness" started taking him. When they found him, they said he was trying to cut the evil out of his soul with a hacksaw. He' After the operation. Lobotomy patients rarely cause any problems. He appears to respond to youporn videos of dwarves and emus.

"What are we doing here?" whined Calvin.

"You're not...scared, are you, baby?"

"Woman, I'll kick you in the nuts like I'm scared."

"Well, c'mon then, baby-boy". Yulia beckons him inside...wiggling those curvaceous hips and
flashing that seductive grin.

Calvin mutters under his breath "Goddammit, I thought I was rid of this shithole..." He finds the circuit breaker for the room. Half of the lights flicker on, protesting their rude awakening.

From the entrance, they can barely recognize what was once a stripclub. Dust and spiderwebs appear to have overtaken much of the interior. Looming shadows consume the farthest corners. Squinting, they try to make out where the stages used to...

All of a sudden, they hear a metallic squeaking from above. The rhythmic, repetitious sound of...bedsprings?

"I thought you took all of the beds, Cal?"
"I did. I have all of mine"

Yulia and Calvin ascend the stairs to the second floor, the squeaking growing louder and louder. They arrive at the bedroom door.

Calvin yells "Tak, is that you? Could you and whatever-you're dating-this-week please stop?"

The squeaking continues, unfazed.
Yulia stifles a giggle. Calvin reaches for the handle and opens the door.

The squeaking is deafening, they both avert their heads, covering their ears. Yulia finds the lightswitch.

The bed is empty, but the mattress continues slamming up and down, its metallic springs
screaming for all their worth. Calvin recognizes something familiar and touches a spot on the bed. The mattress makes a few last gasps of rusty squeaks and expires.

"Oh, I see. Yeah, this is a Stoker Sex-Gen version 1.5. See? You can tell by the detailing. They were very buggy...lots of script errors. Didn't sell very well. Man, this is an antique. Hard must've been desperate to use one of these..."

"That squeaking." says Yulia with a shiver. "Ugh! If I had to listen to that all day, every day, I'd go..."

"..insane?" Calvin quickly answered. They both looked at each other and silently agreed to head back downstairs.

By now, their vision had adjusted to the reduced lighting. They can now clearly see the remains of the stage and the dancepoles. The stagelights were shattered, half of one stage appeared to be the loser in a chainsaw fight. Human-sized bitemarks decorated the barstools.

The poles all had deep gashes and dents in them, save one. Yulia hops up and runs her hands over the cold, dry metal.
"This feels familiar" coughs Yulia as she mounts the dusty pole.

"It looks like Madman Hard took an axe to the others." Calvin peeks inside a hat,
only to find a maggot-ridden corpse of a rabbit. "augh!" he screams, tossing the body outside.

"C'mon, Yulia...let's just go. We have better stripperpoles in our goddamn bathrooms for Christsakes..."

"Don't be such a buzzkill, Cal. I'm feeling that...thrill...again." Yulia quickly climbs to the top, executing an inverted downward spiralspin like it was her first stripper audition.

He cautiously looks around the club once more before taking a seat.

Just as he was getting comfortable with Yulia's one-woman show,
the power goes out. Calvin curses Hard under his breath, like so many, many times before. The room is totally black and instantly grows cold.

Unable to see or hear anything, Calvin asks..."Yules...are you...?"

"calvin...please help me...."

A smoky glow envelops Yulia. Her body starts twisting, contorting in horrific directions. Her ankle pops with that sickening, wet sound you hear in butcher shops. Yulia starts screaming, crying for help. Her makeup is now a melted mess on her face.

Calvin is
paralyzed in his seat, struggling to grasp what is happening...he feels a squeezing inside his own chest. He rips apart his shirt, tearing at the buttons. They both watch as Calvin's skin starts splitting, forming the words "a vingança é minha".

Yulia claws at the stage trying to make it to the door but the phantom mist refuses to let go. She looks back only to see her knee dislocate. She almost blacks out from the stabbing pain. A horrific laugh emerges from Calvin's throat. His body spasms in the chair as chains start wrapping themselves around his limbs, pulling downward into the floor. Flesh and bone give way as he's quickly reduced to a limbless torso, helplessly impaled on the shaft of the broken barstool. Blood pours onto the dusty wood flooring, his grey, pupil-less eyes roll in their sockets and he croaks the phrase "a vingança é minha"

On the brink of insanity, Yulia tries to concentrate...Russian? Italian? Latin?!?

Her left arm breaks in four places in a very ugly compound fracture. She howls like a tortured animal at the pain. Gritting her teeth, she struggles to the barstool, smearing the blood away with her one good arm, reading the carving in what-used-to-be-Calvin....listening again for the death whisper
"a vingança é minha"


She watches her world spin around, hearing her own neck snap. A chilling, tingling, merciful paralysis takes her. She swears hearing someone say "mwa ha har"...

Epilogue: Authorities are still trying to piece together yesterday's double-murder at Hard Alley. "The bodies were...disfigured." says Officer Dumart. "At present, there are no signs of anyone else involved. Investigators have also discovered the remains of a female neko ....possibly Mexican in origin....sealed
inside a crude plywood cube. The cube itself was found submerged in the underground sewers of the club. Autopsy results are pending but it appears that the neko was buried inside the cube still alive."

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

I play with knives

My daughter is a big fan of Hello Kitty. So, it's no surprise what she wanted for a jack-o-lantern this Halloween.

We draw Hello Kitty faces all the time. This is the first time I had to do it on a vegetable. Veggie peelers are awesome.

Happy Halloween

Saturday, October 24, 2009


Dessert is one of my hobbies. Having participated in Zombiefest 2009, seeing various RL ZombieWalks, and noticing a few undead-themed movies recently, I figured it was time to make a dessert-of-the-non-living.

Doing a GIS on Zombie Cupcake produced some interesting results. The brain-cake seemed too unpalatable to pull off, and I didn't have the right sculpting materials for the hand-rising-from-the-grave cake. I had marshmallows, some black frosting, and two children. Apparently, that was all I needed.

An important note about black cake frosting, it's actually concentrated dark green. When my kids started painting the frosting onto the marshmallows with one of their (clean) art-set paintbrushes, it gave the marshmallow a very dark-green, undead tint - perfect for zombieheads.

Happy Halloween, my friends.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Weird and Weirder: part one

Oh, Warcraft, how I despise you. For hate's sake, I spit at you.

Allow me to explain.

My good friend, Skat, has been ever-consumed with the World of Warcrack. Pre-WoW, Skat and Leose were as inseparable as hookers and blow - actually, they still are....they quest together. Please reserve your vomiting for the end of the show.

In the other fakeworld known as SecondLife, there have been monumental breakthroughs in breast physics - relayed to me via my eternal friend, Megz. It is here where the weirdness truly begins.

Leo teleports into Hard Core and approaches me - I'm dancing on my stripperpole. He requests that I grow breasts so he can see them wobble.

"I did that two nights ago, srsly"

But, I value every client that enters and a request from a friend? Well, two clicks and I was a topless Taka-she.

Now, Hard Alley is not immune from lag. For those of you unfamiliar, lag is the annoying delay your viewer encounters, whether due to server/database processing, resource management, or other. It permeates the whole grid and Hard Alley in particular.

Leo teleports out, saying the sim was too laggy for him to see "the effect".

So he invites me to his house.

"Skat's really REALLY enjoying WoW, isn't she?"

We both feel Skatoulaki would have been the ideal choice to demonstrate jiggly-physics, but we had to play the hand we were dealt. I teleport over.

So, there I am, in Leo's beautiful lounge, transsexualized, fully naked, jumping up and down. He still cannot see my moobs shake.

So he does what any logical male would do.

He changes sex, too.

Now we're both in his living room jumping up and down. He's topless - wearing a very excellent pair of jeans and stiletto boots. I'm glad he took the time to change shoes, even though they were totally irrelevant to the exercise. I increase my cup size, trying to help matters along.

After a few minutes of this, he does see a bit of shake. We arrive at the conclusions that:

1. His house is also laggy
2. He could do with a physx-capable graphics card
3. I need to find a jumping-jack animation
4. Goddammit, Skat, I miss you.
5. I don't blame Skat, I blame WoW

Thanks, Leo.

Weird and Weirder: part two

This is a recount of actual events in SecondLife. Identities have been altered for everyone's protection.

Date: Friday, October 16th, 2009

So, my evening at Hard Alley starts of with an IM from Megz.

She's got a surprise for me. It's waiting at the club.

I teleport over and there's a silver dancepole. It's got male dances in it! I love it so hard - like Jamie Gumm in "Silence of the Lambs"

It's Fetish Friday tonight.

Fast forward a few hours. I'm pantsless and my cock is on display. I'm still working the male dancepole for all I'm worth.

In walks a horse-avatar

[20:39] Mr. Happy is not in a good mood tonight

Again, tonight is Fetish-Friday, and we've both seen much worse than a Demon-unicorn. I start to entertain the guest:

[20:40] Takashi Alekseev: what's on your mind, Mr. Happy?
[20:40] Mr. Happy gruffs, "Beer was too warm and the women too cold...."
[20:40] Takashi Alekseev: Drink the woman, f*** the beer.

it's at this point, Mr. Happy tips me 500L

I profile surf him, because of his generosity...and am genuinely frightened by the 1st life photo.

[20:42] Mr. Happy taps his fingernails on the stage..

he tips me ANOTHER 500L. Time for a stall tactic.

[20:45] Takashi Alekseev: I'm getting in trouble tonight
[20:45] Talana Chiantelle: And how is that?
[20:45] Takashi Alekseev: I'm being spoiled royally
[20:45] Troy Halsey: nice
[20:45] Takashi Alekseev: Thank you again, Mr. Happy.

[20:47] Mr. Happy grumbles, his frustration mounting... his hard claws scratch the hard wood of the stage, his nostrils flare as he lets out a soft snarl.

[20:48] Takashi Alekseev wonders if the stallion needs some release...

(because I've never attempted gay bestiality before tonight.)

[20:49] Takashi Alekseev straddles the gigantic Hell-horse
[20:50] Takashi Alekseev grinds his hips deep into Mr. Happy's horsecrotch

I remind you, I'm still dancing on the Male pole, with my cock flailing about. And I used the gender-appropriate pronoun in my emote.

[20:51] Mr. Happy looks to Takashi as she straddles his torso... and snarls

This is what is known in the sex-industry as "a misunderstanding"

[20:52] Takashi Alekseev looks around nervously..."I've never done a large mammal before"
[20:53] Takashi Alekseev swallows hard and continues working on the tense Demonicorn.
[20:54] Mr. Happy snorts.. and pushes Takashi away.. growling as he realizes the efemminate dancer is a male..

Now, I'm wondering if his RL initials are N.S.Sherlock.

[21:00] Mr. Happy snarls a bit on his poor eyesight and sense of smell dulled by overuse of cocaine, he sees Talana dancing and runs his hands over her body.. finally gripping hr hair

So, in the course of a Friday evening, I have learned:

1. Fetish Fridays are dangerous in their leniency
2. "SLocaine" is a hell of a drug
3. The male dances in the dancepole apparently are not male enough
4. I need to make my pixelcock extremely large, neon yellow, with particles emitting from the tip
5. Demonicorns go gay for me...almost.

How was your day, sweetie?

Thursday, October 15, 2009

Moar projects!


I'll be DJ'ing at Hard Alley tonight. The theme is "Naked with covers": A naked block party for everyone to enjoy, while listening to some unique renditions of other-artists-songs...As always, I welcome your requests.

Also, I'm working on a ghost story, which I shall voice-read to Hard Alley residents Halloween week. Others are also invited to participate.

Further out, the Hot for Zombies group is now focusing on a Zombie-Holiday extravaganza. I suppose Jesus could be considered the First Zombie...but I digress.

Sunday, October 11, 2009

What A Week

Zombiefest 2009 was a huge success. Over the course of three days, the group managed to raise over 1,300.00 USD for the International Red Cross.

I can't really recall how much I donated in zombie stripper tips, but I can say that I was auctioned for over 5,000 Lindens - I feel validated. Olivia Connaught got herself a Taka and a pair of shewz - no telling which she'll enjoy more. Emceeing the SCAB Burlesque stripshow was also an undead, pus-filled, maggot-ridden, limb-hacking tour-de-force. I love that.

Also, my introductory DJ night went swimmingly...for the first 45 minutes...then all the ladies left (lol!) I have
many areas for improvement - and I can't put a price on that kind of knowledge.

aaand...I also updated my profile pic. "Chestwound" was getting old. I'll never trash that freebie hair, though. Anyway, here's the new me:
I'm just throwing this pic everywhere I can...Photoshop is both dangerous and beautiful. Hit me up if you want me to manipulate your pixels.

Sunday, October 4, 2009


The Hot For Zombies group is raising funds to help the survivors of the massive earthquakes in Samoa and Indonesia. We have established ZombieFest 2009. Per the above flier, there will be freebies, music, unique merchandise, a date auction, kissing booths, incredible music, a burlesque show, formal ball, and still more.

One-hundred percent of all funds raised will be donated to the Red Cross.

Yours truly will be providing an exclusive avatar for sale: Shape (both male and female), skin, clothes, animations, and more all in one convenient package. According to XStreet and the search engine, it will be the only one of its kind in Second Life.

I will also be participating in the Zombie date auction. I invite you to bid for a great cause. So far, I haven't put very many restrictions on what could happen, should you win me. We'll just have to see how the evening goes, I suppose.

The Hot For Zombies group is a consciously-minded band of individuals. We strive to promote equality, harmony, and seek to benefit the living, dead, and those inbetween. Please contact me if you wish to join.

Dead is the new black.

Saturday, October 3, 2009

Demanding Audio


I've assumed Disc-Jockey responsibilities* for the Hard Core Strip Club - starting this Thursday night at 7PM SLT.

I would be honored at your presence. I've got a shiny, new SAM installation, Limewire (for your outlandish requests), and my mic is calibrated, so I've no excuses.

Do you?

* - not really spinning any "discs", but that's the title for now. Well, maybe the hard-drive platters count...

Saturday, September 19, 2009

He 8

Precisely eight years ago, my life changed.

Now, I don't remember every detail that happened during those twenty-four hours on September 19th 2001, but I vividly recall:

The tragedy of 9/11 still fresh on the newspapers headlines, and my doubts about the world and the humans living within it. But then, my son was born, and my world instantly shrank. We were now a family of three and he was the best distraction a father could ask for.

I remember when he emerged, he did not cry, and his eyes were wide open - he was beyond ready for the world. From that moment, I was determined not to waste that thirst for learning.

I remember sending out a page (yes, on a pager - I know I'm old) to an address list of impatient friends and relatives announcing his birth. it simply said "he out".

It's eight years later. He's still got that fantastic thirst for knowledge (as evidenced by the numerous teacher-parent conferences). He's inherited his father's sense of humor. He's extremely cute..and he's already charming the ladies, going so far as having a girl friend on his arm.

Happy Birthday, C.J.
I love you, son.

Tuesday, September 1, 2009


This post is more for my personal reference. Since I deal with problems and resolutions on an hourly basis, I find great value in documentation. That said, if you ever find yourself in front of a linux system, here are some sanity-preserving suggestions you should consider:

1. yum update: that's actually an acronym for Yellowdog Updater, Modified. This will ensure that every piece of code in your installation is updated to the latest published revisions. The very nature of open-source makes this almost a necessity: a programmer updates his code which needs to get published and distributed to all of the mirrored repositories, another developer follows suit. Before you know it, that freshly installed OS is staring in the face of 340 additional updates to process.

2. yum repositories: Do a google search for the YUM repositories specifically catering to your brand of OS (example: Yum repositories for CentOS). Add these entries to your /etc/yum.conf file, otherwise your update will not find the available packages.

3. PGP keys: With these publicly-visible packages, there are also security keys in place. Import them into your OS through: ssl --install

Oh, the title of this post. I got rather frustrated with this whole process (being spoiled by Windows Update), but gained clarity from Maya's suggestion of stepping away, meditating, and consuming a cup of tea.

/me now one with his linux server.

until the next time.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Hear it

Last night, the Hot For Zombies group was kicking around tracks to play at the upcoming formal.

I have added my two suggestions to my playlist (over there to the left):

"Tear You Apart" by She Wants Revenge: It takes on a new identity when you imagine it being sung by a zombie.

"Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo: A favorite of mine from the 80's. Obvious, really.

"She's So Cold" by The Rolling Stones: Again, listen to it from an undead perspective.

And I also included a cover of "Mexican Radio" because I heard Wall of Voodoo getting increased airplay last week...

Share and enjoy

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

National Topless Day

Yeah, I didn't know about it until I happened across the link on CNN.

/me hopes for more coverage (ahem) on the issue.

Hooray for Boobies

Thursday, August 20, 2009

We know how this will end.

Yes, I stalkerize Skat on her blogs. To recap:

She's now in World of Warcraft. According to her, Leose persuaded her to start. She is now a 6th, 10th, 11th, fourteen-point-seven level Drainei killing arachnids. From a distance.

I am familiar with these sorts of son and I are questing through Wizard101 as I type. But, I have presented my evidence to both Skat and Leo regarding WoW: The addiction stories, the youtube videos, the lack-of-zombie-strippahs...

Skat, being Skat, sends me a "FREE World of Warcraft Trial!" offer.

/me facepalms

I am a sweetheart by nature. Rarely will I say "no" to someone. I enjoy life's little challenges. you think this plate-armor will make me look fat?

Monday, August 17, 2009


A few months ago, my precious-snowflake-of-a-daughter scribbled some swirly patterns..
...using a rock
...on the side of my car.

I'm a car-guy. I enjoy how compact-an-environment it represents. I especially enjoy making it run well and look clean. I also realize what they represent psychologically-speaking...what can I say? I'm a guy.

Anyway, for those two months, looking at the scratches each day - gave me perspective on parenting...and a mild ulcer.

Yesterday, I set out on washing and waxing my car/artist-canvas. It was a hot, sweaty, stifling day and it seemed like the washing, rinsing, vacuuming, claybarring, polishing, waxing, and buffing would never end. But after all was said and done, the scratches were gone.

Megan is only 3. Soon, before I know it, she'll be helping me buff-out the excess wax, turning the towel frequently.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Wishing Calie a Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday, Calie Warden!

If any of you psychopathic stalkerazzi see her in-world, do wish her a glorious birfday today - in person. She's twenty-something.

/me feels decrepit.

/me goes back to making keyboardcat/taquito/cookiejar/zombie/wolfshirt/british/oreo/nightstick/stilettoheel/blingwatch cake. With extra-bandwidth frosting.

Breaking Mirrors

Bad luck, you say? Sometimes, there's no other alternative.

Not the silvered looking-glass devices you non-geeks are accustomed to. I'm referring to drive arrays. The 800-pound gorilla that is my terabyte data store needs to be re-done...that means backing up all the information to another drive (or 4), killing the existing RAID, making the new mirror (because all of this is destructive to data), and restoring the 900+ gigs of 1's and 0's. So much fun for so much pr0n.

While I'm on this thread, I should say that RAID arrays *ARE* effective as a full-time backup solution. Hard drives keep getting larger AND cheaper and one terabyte SATA at $70 or less is plenty of storage, even for me. If your platters are spinning 24/7 (as mine are), the chances of a disk going bad increase - so save your precious bits with redundant technology.

Wanna know my partitioning scheme? Check this out:

Drive 0: 80 GB SATA
40 GB C:\ this is for the Operating System only. Do not save your personal data here. When it dies (and it will), your data will not go with it. Keep this small, uncluttered, and defragmented for performance and management reasons.

40 GB D:\ this is for applications. Install all your software here. When you run setup.exe for whatever software you're loading, it'll give you the choice of where to install: Instead of c:\program files\blahblahblah, switch it to d:\blahblahblah. Located on the same spindle as the OS for performance

Drive 1: 1000 GB RAID-1 set
1000 GB X:\ This is where your personal data goes: music, videos, pictures, everything I don't want lost. I also keep copies of my installation media for all my applications here. When drive 0 goes bad, replace with a new drive 0 and a fresh install of windows and applications.

..and yes, you can mirror your OS, but I just don't see the value of having redundant OS files. The space is better used for my pr0nz.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Mirror this new motherboard I purchased...

(waits for Megz to stop laughing)

** begin rant **

Murphy's Law is definitely at work when trying to set up a RAID 1 on this board. In addition to the motherboard, here's an undocumented list of extra hardware and software you may need:

1. USB floppy drive - In order to load the driver in XP, you need to have the driver on a floppy disk. (link provided for those of you who do not remember floppy diskettes). The motherboard manufacturer and Microsoft both advise this method of RAID driver setup. That being said, this particular motherboard does not have a floppy disk interface - so conventional floppy drives will not work.

2. PS/2 keyboard - After I managed to get windows setup to recognize my RAID drives, it proceeded to read from the usb floppy disk - and lock-out my usb keyboard. I could not tell Windows to start installing on C:. more reboot later with a PS/2 keyboard and I was loading my Windows files.

3. nLite - ...or so I thought. Even with the floppy disk successfully reading, the install asks for "Windows setup disk 1"...quite odd. To get around this (and the issues stemming from points 1 and 2), you can slipstream the driver into the Windows XP setup CD using a (FREE!) program called nLite. I know, it's alien voodoo-magic...but at this point, I was considering eBay'ing for a sacrificial goat. I re-burned my XP setup CD, armed with the AMD AHCI RAID driver for 32-bit XP and booted Windows setup once more...

4. Microsoft Vista* - ...and after windows setup formatted my C:\ partition, XP bluescreens with "please remove any recently added drive interfaces or hard drives". It never even gets to complete the Windows XP setup.

* - I have not attempted Vista installation for this motherboard just yet...that is an entirely different hive of scum and villany.

The system does run fine with XP and no mirrored-drives. (I even overvolted my RAM to 1033 speed) Also, in their defense, many of the motherboard companies have extremely poor RAID documentation, this one is no exception. But I am not going to compromise - I'm going to have a terabyte mirror.

That is what kept me from Hard Alley last night - and that's the part that hurts the most.

** end rant **

Thursday, July 30, 2009

Single no longer

You stalkers probably remember a little blurb in my profile about how I would marry anyone that could teach me how to sculpt.

I am pleased to announce that Maya Queller (of all people) took the time (out of the goodness of her own heart) to teach me Maya.

The 3D rendering program.

Not Maya the-person-that-hates-me-with-the-intensity-of-a-thousand-burning-suns.

..because learning *that* would take decades.

So, as SL-fate would have it, she divorced her current partner (co-owner of her store, Mehndi) and I could make good on my promise - I also *did* reimburse her for the divorce fee by-way-of Hard Core tip Hard got a percentage of that.

And she accepted!


Sunday, July 26, 2009


"Companion" by Ray Caesar

This is a painting by RL digital artist, Ray Caesar. His subject matter seems to mesh childlike innocence and gruesome horror.

I bring this to your attention because Mr. Caesar's works are showcased at Gattina's newest exhibit. Not satisfied with slapping a screencapped texture onto a prim, Gattina and her team have enabled the works of Ray Caesar a bit of interactivity.

Approaching one of the paintings will thrust your avatar into the painting's scenery...

"Companion" featuring T. Alekseev

For this portrait, I purchased the hair, shape/skin, and outfit at the Hotel Dare. The room has a convenient poseball positioning your avatar into the perfect stance.

Through this, I was able to gain a deeper appreciation for the painting: The verdant setting, the prehistorically-porportioned flea with his bloated belly and chitinous legs, the off-the-shoulder shirt sleeve. All of these elements culminating to propel the theme of an unnatural/natural bond between a child and the obedient pet.

There are three other interactive works and five conventional paintings for you to enjoy.

Creative talents are: Marie Lauridsen,
Katat0nik Pidgeon, Autumn Hykova, Leetha Moxie, and Daniel Luchador.
Artistic direction provided by: Gattina Dumpling

..and I ended up wearing the Caesar avatar all night. All that worrying about what to wear to the event...

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Stuff n' junk

Current events:

1. Tease: I have an event to attend this weekend that I cannot divulge publicly. Invitation only, it is staggering in its bulge-worthiness.

2. New Junk: As fallout from item #1, I've been considering upgrading my "look" for a new skin and a new peenor. Thank you, Leose for your invaluable advice.

3. Gluttonous: After 3 hunts, you'd think I'd be done shopping...yet, that suit at Aoharu looks really nice. (Justification - see item #1)

4. Some secrets should remain secret: Some whackjob claims to have deciphered the Colonel's Secret Recipe. I haven't read the recipe yet, but I imagine it starts off like a Penthouse Forum letter.

5. Lookin' for a man: No, not me. My good friend, Maya (who both adores and despises me) is in serious need of an arm accessory. He needs to be "good looking and normal"... Prospective candidates should immediately teleport to the Hard Alley sim, where they will be processed and evaluated.

That's all for now.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

pwning the hunt


I recently uncovered a new way to finish hunts. You'll need an alt (or a friend) and a text-based viewer. I *highly* recommend omvviewer light (which can be obtained here).

You'll be using the text-based viewer as a "seeing-eye-dog" (s.e.d).

1. Go to a hunt location with both your avatar and your s.e.d.
2. With the text-based viewer, do an Object search. You can use the default search radius of 25m to start.

3. Sort the results by name and check the top of the listing. Your hunt object should appear.

(Fig. 1: Hunt item found. Note the "Buy" and "Move to" buttons)

At this point, you can tell your Seeing-Eye-Dog to move to the object. Like an obedient golden retriever, your s.e.d will walk to the item's location. Follow closely and purchase, don't forget to cam up or down if necessary.

4. Open the item, teleport to the hunt's next location, then teleport your s.e.d to you. Repeat until the hunt is finished.

If the item is not found at first-pass, you can increase the search radius, or move your alt to another location, teleport your s.e.d with you and repeat steps 2 and 3.

I tried performing this with just one avatar, but the omvviewer inventory commands are lacking, so you need the graphical client to open the items to get the next landmark of the hunt.

Now, I realize the content creators want you to have fun with the hunts, explore their stores...and believe me, I totally support content creators (I was one, briefly). But, after all the hint-complaints, the frustration, the time lost, cheaters, outdated clues...I think this is a more-efficient way of finding what you are looking for.

..and isn't that what we all need?

(Ed. Note: Takashi will whore-out his seeing-eye-bitch abilities to anyone willing to pay)

Monday, July 13, 2009

TV moms

I've been meditating on Leah Remini lately. The whole "hot-mom-hooks-up-with-average-shlub" dynamic makes "King of Queens" so watchable.

(this would be her..up there...shooting the cue the right of the Heineken bottle and behind the smouldering cigarette.)

Which led Calie to pose the question: Are there anti-Leah-Remini's on TV?

So, after a bit of pondering, I've compiled a list of Successful-TV-series-moms-slightly-less-physically-attractive-than-Leah-Remini. See if you can guess the series, character, and actress for each.

The take-home lesson: an endearing character doesn't necessarily need to have *unbelievable* physical attractiveness.

Saturday, July 11, 2009


For those keeping track, I had entered a photo-contest for the Gaming Parlor that I frequent.

I won.

Here's the original blogpost featuring the photo.

/me runs off to find hookers and blow.

Sunday, June 28, 2009

Some summertime

So, I've been keeping non-usual hours in SL, lately. Most of it is due to planned and forced vacations - I can do a work-day with 4 hours of sleep, but I cannot survive a full-day with my children. At your expense, we're having a blast. Just thought you should know.

To compound the issue is this Dell Latitude D630 laptop: normally, I order models with the upgraded nVidia graphics chips. In these desperate times of cost-cutting, the company has decided to configure the laptops with the less-expensive intel integrated graphics chips. Herein lies the problem, as the integrated intel chips seem to have an issue with SecondLife. Just a few minutes after teleporting in, the cpu hits 50% and lag makes the entire experience unworkable. It seems to be related to sculpts and scripts, as my sandbox seems to give me adequate chat-performance (but the conversation is less-than-stimulating there).

So, anyone considering a hardware purchase, I strongly advise the ATI or nVidia adapters over the integrated intel versions - for a better SecondLife.

Saturday, June 20, 2009

For Fathers

So, tomorrow is Father's Day. Since I'm a dad, my only suggestion is to avoid the necktie and underwear gifts (and combination necktie-underwear is NOT twice-as-good, despite what the advertising might say).

I've also been working on a contest entry for one of the Gaming parlors I frequent. Unintentionally, it does have a paternal-thread in its subject matter...

I suppose every cub requires a little assistance from his elders every now and then...

As a dad, I've had every one of those lions' expressions on my own face.

I photochopped two individual paintings and layered them together. Original source material: "A Friend in Need" by C.M Coolidge and "Daniel in the Lion's Den" by Peter Paul Reubens.

Happy Father's Day, Pop.

Thursday, June 18, 2009



Today is International Sushi Day. To commemorate this occasion, I have devised, what I believe, to be the world's first "Maya Musubi Roll"


1 pressed square of sushi-rice
1 generous helping of
(Portuguese sausage)
a dab of wasabi (she is a spicy one)
seaweed ribbon to tie it all together
coat the edges in flying-fish caviar (to appeal to her neko side)

pairs well with a cold beer or sake-on-ice.

..if she didn't hate me before...

Monday, June 15, 2009


Last evening, Gattina held a re-opening of The Hotel Dare. The overall concept was to have artists circulate through the hotel on a periodic basis. This is the fourth iteration of the Hotel and it is stunning.

I would just like to say that I don't intend to take anything away from the previous three versions of the Hotel, but what
Gattina Dumpling, Daniel Luchador, Katat0nik Pidgeon, Marie Lauridsen, Allegory Malaprop, Helianthus Mesmer
, and so many others have created is an unbelievable artistic experience. Building on Trevor Brown's initial artwork, they've constructed a fully-interactive hospital piece for your surgical explorations.

...involving dolls.

It resonates on many levels with me.

You should not stop at just the Hospital exhibit, there are several other artist-rooms that you need to see.

Thank you, Gatt.

The Hotel Dare

Writeup of the Hotel Dare by Juicy

Thursday, June 11, 2009

What a Burning Man Might Listen To

First track on the playlist: "Burn it to the Ground" by Nickelback

I should also mention, I have officially tossed-my-thong into the ring for the Hard Alley Stripper Auction. I'm hoping to garner at least eighty-two linden.

To get you in the bidding mood, I've also added to my playlist "eBay" by Weird Al Yankovic

snipe me.

Monday, June 8, 2009

Fashionably late

What's a guy supposed to do with 151 stores' worth of freebies?

Make outfits and blog about them.

48 hours after posting, I finally get around to updating my own tell you about another blog. The Hard Alley personnel have taken it upon themselves to tell YOU what you should consider wearing.

I've already posted an outfit comprised of the "Make Him Over" hunt, Megz has blogged about those kickass boots of hers (I think they have car speakers in them) as well as formulating the site's style, and Skat used her persuasive techniques (i.e. more lighter fluid) to actually get this project rolling.

You say you're allergic to text? Well, my friend, why have you not checked the Flickr site?

Don't make us do all the work.
Beg Skat to become an editor. It may sting at first, but you'll grow to like it.

Do it now.

Monday, June 1, 2009

Vectors and such...

Hello again.

I have a nerd friend. She sent me a link to:

Now, I have an innate fear of all things ornithological (I tried desensitizing myself by marrying an Avian veterinarian - more on that some other day). I cautiously followed the link.

It turns out that it has relatively little to do with feathers, and a lot to do with online vector graphics generation. Yes, Megz, I'm lookin' at you.

Now, the site is still at toddler-two stage. It generates a b&w vector image for you, which you can then re-color. But what really intrigued me was how smooth it was to do graphics manipulation online. Can Photoshop be far behind? Just imagine being able to 'shop your textures in-world...

Also, last night I explored tag-team lapdancing for fun and profit. Zahara, we absolutely must do that again sometime.

..and there's a Make-Yo-Man hunt starting today. Perhaps I will finally discover that tasteful timepiece I've been longing for.

Thank you.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Horror Stripping: "The Watch"

[19:47] Takashi Alekseev strips off his shirt for Bianca, only to draw more attention to the ROLEXXX (tm) on his wrist.
[19:50] Takashi Alekseev uses his bling-factory to reflect the stage lights right into Calie's eyes.
[19:57] Takashi Alekseev notices his watch is starting to turn his wrist green...
[19:58] Takashi Alekseev: an underlying rash starts to develop...
[19:59] Takashi Alekseev cannot find his antihistamines...he starts to swell...
[attach "Post-Thanksgiving" shape]
[20:00] Takashi Alekseev dances on.
[20:00] Takashi Alekseev: "kan I haz benadryl?"
[20:03] Takashi Alekseev 's tongue swells from the anaphylactic shock. Unable to speak, he motions desperately for his respirator mask.
[attach "Uniform Gas mask female"]
[20:05] Takashi Alekseev: the watch continues to invade his bodily systems. His hair starts falling out in large clumps.
[detach hair. Attach bald cap]
[20:07] Takashi Alekseev is unfazed. The dancing and stripping continue.
[20:09] Takashi Alekseev quickly shucks-off his slacks and throws them toward Calie, watching them sail through the air and land at her feet like a smouldering, black puddle of superfine wool.
[20:10] Takashi Alekseev: the evil watch continues its leprosy-like attack on his body, claiming his left leg.
[attach invisi-prim - l leg]
[20:11] Takashi Alekseev hops around the dancepole as best he can, unwiling to remove his wrist-accessory.
[20:15] Takashi Alekseev discards his black thong, slingshotting it over to Calie. With a great sigh, he completes his striptease before the hell-watch consumes him.
[take off underwear]
[20:17] Takashi Alekseev: the rash from his fake watch grows in intensity. His right hand bursts into flames.
[attach human torch fire prims]
[20:19] Takashi Alekseev: The fire spreads to his forearm and across his torso. Fueled by the corpulent body, the flames grow into a raging inferno on the dancepole.
[20:22] Takashi Alekseev collapses at the base of the pole. Nothing remains except the hideous watch - still it awaits its next victim.
[rez Rolexxx at base of dancepole]

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Well, this isn't right...

Yesterday, Indie Rock held an auction to raise funds for cancer research. These Relay-for-Life (RFL) events happen every now and then across the entire grid. I was made aware of this particular fund-raiser because Gattina was one of the many fabulous individuals auctioning themselves for the cause.

The amounts quickly grew beyond what I was able to pay. So be it. Each and every one of them was worth all that and more. It was unbelievably fun watching the auctions proceed. Money was an afterthought as the auctionees were genuinely afraid of the bidders (and the immediate repercussions to follow) - some auctionees started bidding on themselves in a desperate act of self-preservation... such went the evening.

I am still committed to dropping a donation into their RFL kiosk, as the cancer-monster seems to be claiming more and more of my relatives (sad but true).

Add to this the recent announcement that Linden Labs has now decreed my favorite casino games to be illegal. To recap, Linden Labs forbids gambling. Games are to be skill-based only. Apparently, Jaded Jack and Jaded Stud include a chance-element that the Lindens are not comfortable with.

So be it.

One less addiction in my life (my addictions have addictions, yes). Stud-Jack, I'll miss you and your lavish jackpots and weekly contests...thanks for the $L.

What else....I've been told that I won't be getting that snazzy new E6400 laptop at the office. In a cost-cutting measure, they'll be sending me a Latitude D630 instead. I intend to use every cycle of that poor machine.

So be it.

To counteract all the negativity, I made cupcakes with my kids today. It was suggested to me to attempt making my own frosting - which is precisely what I did this time around.

Let me just say, when you give a child a mixer-paddle coated in cream-cheese frosting, you'll get back a paddle cleaner than anything you've ever seen before.

No exotic twists on the cups this time around. Fudge-chocolate cake, cream-cheese frosting (which turned out excellent, by the way), and some chocolate sprinkles.

Thank you.

Friday, May 8, 2009


In anticipation for this Sunday, I'm formulating some ideas of getting the children out of the house so my wife can do what she has dreamed of doing since the last Mother's Day: sleep in late, eat breakfast in bed (it would technically be brunch by the time she's awake and ready to eat), and garden.

The first two objectives are to be kid-free. Child-participation for gardening is left to her discretion at the time of the event. I'll need to add my usual twist for the menus of the day...

Happy Mother's Day to all you mom's out there.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Different kind of drumstick

...but loved just as much.

I stared at the picture for....well...longer than a normal person would stare at a picture of cooked poultry.


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

For Maya, again

Today's newest musical selection is inspired by Maya Queller. From Puddle of Mudd.

Top THAT, kitty cat!

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Pretty noose is a pretty pain

I found a free shape and skin yesterday - for my female alt. It is a freebie.

Now, before you go "slashme eyerollz", let me just say that I'm all for convenience. No more having to bother with matching a skin to a shape...two drags (lol) and I'm done.

PLUS, I've picked up a stalker after throwing it on. Man, the horniness of this place...srsly.

Anyway, if you're into the "Final Fantasy doll" look, pick up the freebies - both sexes available for your alting pleasure.

Heaven's Skin & Shape

These were already mentioned on Free*Style, but I felt I had to re-iterate at how damn-effective these things are.

Now, what to do about horny, newbie, stalker guy....

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Spice Girl

I found (yet another) blog about foods. This one is called omnomicon, and to my pleasant surprise, it's written by a local New Englander.

I may have to investigate her recommendation on how to buy spices. Worcester is just a moderate drive for me...

and in OTHER news, Hard Alley moved. Hard did a great job upgrading the sim in the new continent. It's familiar, yet improved. Like a new butt-lift straight from Brazil's finest cosmetic surgeons. Why take my word for it? Teleport yourself and form your own conclusions.

My chair is my home.

...and in OTHER news, Happy Easter. My entire family will be enjoying a fine, well-deserved, chocolate coma.

Thank you.

Saturday, March 28, 2009


My friend, food-pimp, and Fluffer goddess, brittan, let me know about the song, "Cookie Jar". I have since added it to my playlist.

My insufficient response is: TV Dinners, by ZZ Top.

Also, we both highly recommend "On A Boat". I had the most-dreadful working-Saturday today, but I am certain I survived because this song was running through my head.

Flippy-Floppy smiles, yo.

Comments are always appreciated, but non-refundable.

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

The post with no name...

If you're a fan of Sergio Leone, then you are, undoubtedly, familiar with the Clint Eastwood spaghetti-westerns. I couldn't think of a suitable title for this post, so I'll just dive right in:

The good: My good friend, Allie, turned me this website: Smitten Kitchen. For easy recipes and jaw-dropping closeups of food, you've gotta click. I can't wait for her to expand on her Asian offerings...

The bad AND the ugly: So, let me start by saying I really enjoy food. I have the highest respect for people who can constantly create new and wonderful deliciousness each and every day. I also recognize that the kitchen is not immune to being abused.

With that disclaimer out of the way, I now expose you to: This is why you're fat.

(pausing again for shock-and-horror to subside)
This site is the direct polar-opposite of SmitKit. TIWYF has about as much artisanship as flat Schlitz. Regardless, I found myself perusing through each page of the Frankensteined-dishes like I was taking in a macabre freakshow. So many questions I had: "do you have to EAT the dishes in order to qualify as a post", "must they put fried eggs on everything", "what wine goes with a porkgasm"...and on and on...

So, if you find yourself getting the munchies (listening to me prattle on about desserts or somesuch), just click on over to fat and your appetite will be destroyed in seconds.


Monday, March 23, 2009

Donut porn

safe for work.

waistline...not so much.

Feel free to contribute your own naughty, naughty creation by entering their contest. Limit 3 entries per address.

The ingredients that you can choose from....just wow.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Sunday, March 1, 2009

In response to Skat's Album Cover

Band name: Five Ways
Quotation: "Throw out an alarming alarm clock. If the ring is loud and strident, you're waking up to instant stress. You shouldn't be bullied out of bed, just reminded that it's time to start your day."
- Sharon Gold
Photo: cold heart...

1 - Go to Hit “random... Read More... Read More” or click
The first random wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.

2 - Go to Random quotations
or click
The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.

3 - Go to flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”
or click
Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.

4 - Use photoshop or similar to put it all together.

5 - Post it TAG the friends you want to join in.

..bloodstain added via artistic license.

Saturday, February 28, 2009



The Hello Kitty cake

Megan in a suitcase with Go-gurt.

Friday, February 27, 2009


I have many girl-friends that I adore. But this particular girl - there's nothing I will not do for her. She drives me insane on an hourly-basis.

She has the funniest personality
She is extremely intelligent
She is gorgeous
Not a day goes by where she doesn't make me laugh and smile
We read to each other almost every night
If she doesn't like my cooking, she'll let me know by eating dirt or birdseed instead
I've serenaded her countless times
She's an excellent shopping buddy
Often, she'll run naked - just because she feels like it

Today is her birthday. She will be turning three.

Happy Birthday, my darling daughter. Your dad loves you.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

For Maya

First track on my playlist.

(The acronym will become obvious, once you listen to the song.)

Editor's note: *I* don't really want to F.Y.I.T.A, I just thought Maya would enjoy hearing the whole song. She sings it a lot in the club, so think of this as a small tribute to her kinkiness.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Getting one-upped

Moar Cupcake art

Happy President's Day

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Playing with food

During one particular evening at Hard Core, Megz admitted to having a dream about cupcakes. Fast-forward 20 minutes into that conversation and we conceived the idea of a goth-cupcake.

I'm wondering if these are dream-worthy...

Top row: "Bleeding Anarchy", "Berries in Bondage", "Logos"

Middle row: "Sweetheart", "Spike"

Bottom row: "Running Mascara", "Cross", "Mascara 2"

I will thank my wife for taking my kids out of the house for the day - allowing me to ass-around with dessert.

These are originals. All the ingredients used are 100% edible. Cupcakes are pale-complexion white, with a bleeding raspberry center.

I was given some Cake-decorating candy-heart sprinkles (Barbie-brand, if I recall correctly). I painted the little skull-faces on with a toothpick and some blue food coloring. It's not the Mona Lisa on a grain of rice, but they are charming in their own way.

Comments appreciated.

Thursday, February 5, 2009

I am stimulating....the economy

So, I get "the call" from my Mother-in-Law - she wants to upgrade her PC for her birthday.

An upgrade for MIL means an upgrade for me. She will be getting my dualcore intel and in its place, I've taken delivery of a quadcore AMD system (which I think I will name "Boobies on Ultra").

It was also around this time that the DVD player in the living room decided to come down with a case of refused to read anymore discs. Those of you fortunate enough to live near a Costco might be able to get one of these:

I know...standard-def optical discs are 19th century...but after the minivan and the server, I can't justify springing for the Playstation 3 right now...well, I could, but I also like staying married. The Philips is $40 and that USB port it's carrying is going to take over HTPC duties (one less computer burning electrons in my house - instead, it'll be an external hard drive)

Now, eventually, I may get to a point where I can rip my Gojira-sized dvd collection and throw it onto multiple terabytes of disk. I'd like to ask you guys and gals if you've reached that state of magnetic nirvana:

Are you a discless wonder?

Saturday, January 31, 2009


Some updates to the Playlist:

"Sex On Fire" - Kings of Leon: Great ska-rhythm, screaming lyricist, and hot words.

"Pardon Me" - Incubus: spontaneous combustion in unplugged format.

"Redemption Song" - Chris Cornell: I first heard a rendition of this Bob Marley classic from the a capella group, Sweet Honey in the Rock. Look them up, they do great work.

"Tom Sawyer" - The Bad Plus: The music they make is so bad. Honestly. I heard their cover of Nirvana's "Lithium" and was horrified and amazed. Listen at your own risk.

Thank you.