Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Irony of Father's Day

I was reading Beth's post on Mommyish about Inexpensive Father's Day Gift Suggestions...

Dad's are so varied.  Some do carpentry, some wrench on cars, some golf, you get the picture.  There's this pressure to pigeon-hole and classify all of this variation in the name of commercialism.

We are fathers.  We're DADS.  I want to feel proud of my kids - fortunately, that's not at all hard to be right now.  My daughter is strong, adorable, talented, and well-liked by her peers and teachers.  My son is academically excellent, handsome, and creative.

I'm not looking for a canned, family-team-building exercise.  I don't need to be Gus Griswold suffering through outdoor camping at the expense of the rest of my family.  Just that spontaneous moment where we're all getting along together, having a good time over ice-cream sundaes.  Nobody is screaming at each other to "put that DOWN, it's MIIIIIINE!!!!" or "please don't fart in your sister's face."  I'll have to meditate on why we do these things to each other to begin with...

If that's too difficult, then I would welcome the ironic present - having a day apart from the children - those exact things that earned me the title of "father".  I've got drum machines to build, brackets to fabricate, components to fix - all of this takes a lot of time, preferably interruption-free.

I do get that there is pressure to BUY me something.  My suggestions now are:

1.  Dim sum brunch in Chinatown:  This isn't for everyone.  But if you do have dim-sum available where you are and you have NOT gone, then you are truly missing a joy in life and you have my pity.  It's not terribly expensive and you have a wonderful palette of tastes to choose from.  A perfect venue to be a little daring - try something outside your comfort zone, you could surprise yourself.

2.  Pastries from the bakery and no shame:  Yes we have elevated cholesterol and we've got pounds.  You stow your guilt for twenty-four hours because today is our day.

3.  Compression wear:  I'm looking for new swimwear - probably because of too much of items #1 and #2.  A new rashguard, a pair of boardshorts, and some water shoes.  Rashies are great for making me look more-athletic than I am and also save my skin without needing to apply sunblock.  I can probably get these for under $100 total.

4.  Uterus head pillow:  Accept no substitute.

Things to avoid:

Neckties - If I need one, I'll choose the sexy, sexy pattern myself

Socks and underwear - I got my share of these at Christmas HOWEVER, if you think these undies will make me look sexy, then I'm okay with that.

"Best Dad Ever" T-shirt - sorry, Beth.  I can only imagine running into another dad wearing this on the same day and fisticuffs ensue.

My mother-in-law mentioned getting my father-in-law an eReader.  I'm more than willing to entertain this, but have to resist the urge to root it and make it more technically-challenging for them.

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